BE THERE FOR THEM

A grandparent’s first priority is to “be there” one way or another.

For the active grandparents whom the Wall Street Journal has described as having a full slate of work and travel, it means stopping to remember how much you depended on grandparents when you were younger – and knowing how critical your presence is. For others, “being there” means taking on the challenge posed by miles or strained relationships that might be keeping you from your grandchildren.

Technology solutions such as video chatting have helped some grandparents close the gap.

Being there gives you the opportunity to show the kind of unconditional love that even parents can struggle to maintain on a consistent basis. It gives you a chance to tell the family story – the people, places and plot twists that have made your family distinct. Being there also allows you to teach things that parents may not have found time for – how to skip a rock, how to build and fly a kite, how to make fudge, and other priceless lessons.

NURTURE THEIR FAITH

Most importantly, being there and making memories with your grandchildren gives you the opportunity to impress your faith on them. Psalm 78:5-7 presents a concept of extended spiritual heritage:

He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.

Nothing you can give as a grandparent is more valuable than your spiritual legacy. Your gifts, time, games, food and other contributions find their primary value when they are offered in the context of a spiritual heritage. So be very intentional about creating opportunities to nurture faith during the years your grandchildren are receptive to your influence.

ASSESS YOUR RELATIONSHIP

As teen expert Josh McDowell has said, “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.”

Considering that your teen’s emotions and behavior are being affected by a surge of changing hormones, it’s vital for you to maintain as strong a relationship as possible in the midst of whatever they may be going through. If you have a solid relational foundation, you can build from there. Like the father in the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), you can hope that your unconditional love and forgiveness will ultimately draw your teen back. Ask yourself several questions to evaluate the status of your relationship, such as…

Is our relationship generally healthy with a few bumps, or generally unhealthy with rare moments of connection?

Am I spending time with my teen doing things we enjoy together to create a solid foundation for when tensions occur?

Does my child feel deeply loved or heavily criticized? (1 Peter 4:8)

Are my spouse and I on the same page – or is there increased tension because we are not?

Has the relationship deteriorated to the point we need pastoral or professional guidance?

What if the relationship is weak? Maybe you’ve been relationally disconnected for a long time, or maybe your teen is a stepchild who has never really accepted you as his or her parent. Even under these and similar circumstances, you earn respect by building relationship. Making yourself available, listening, and trying to understand increase your ability to have influence.

Dr. James Dobson stresses the value of routine family connections as a way to cultivate relationship. He cites research showing the positive difference parents make when they are available for their teens in the morning, after school, at dinnertime, and at bedtime. If your current routine is making these connections difficult, it may be time for a change.